Sexual core; beyond gender

We are born in a female or male body.
But does that mean that if you have a female body that your core is feminine and if you are a man your core is masculine?
What if you are a female with rather a masculine core and if you are a man with rather a feminine core?
An interesting reflection I am diving in these days. Especially in the sexual energy as this is our life force energy.

People often say I have a strong feminine energy. Which indeed contains beautiful inner feminine qualities.
But I also possess an inner masculine energy. And it’s fun to animate either masculine or feminine energy in any particular moment.

But what if my sexual core has more a masculine sexual essence?
For example there are moments I really love to watch a football game with my male family members and go fully in to the ecstacy of this game. How the players are breaking free of their opponent and fiercely want to reach their goal whatever it takes for that. Even if they figurally speaking have to kill the other for that.

In the sexual play I love to be in the receiving submissive role and being swept off my feet by a sensitive and strong lover. But I also love it so much when I can take the lead and pin him down on the bed and penetrate him with my energetic lingam and enjoy the feeling how he is surrendering.
For me it is important now to explore this masculine essence and to live true to it.

This week I had a session with a male coach who guided me in this masculine polarity.
He was embodying his inner feminine and I could give expression to my inner man.
Even though my little inner boy was very alive and he didn’t know what to do with this woman before him.
How to touch her, how scared he felt with this being before him. Scared to fall in love with her, scared to feel so much attraction that he might not control himself, scared that he would not be good enough and scared to fail.
To give my little boy the sense of having control I was given the opportunity to use a rope and to tie her up.
Even then I didn’t know what to do and I just asked her what she would like. Slowly I began to touch her and as she was surrendering more I was feeling more safe and secure and came more into my wildness. I was free to take her and to do whatever I wanted.
Still I observed my little boy holding back because he didn’t want to hurt her and also I observed his grasping energy and his lust to penetrate without any presence or consciouness.
It was an interesting session.

I feel this part of me needs more exploration in order to let the little boy grow up.
I can’t deny my true sexual essence by covering it with layers of false energy for years, and then expect to know my authentic purpose and be free in the flow of love.
When these polarities are lessened sexual attraction is diminished along with spiritual depth and physical health.
If I deny my own essence and hide my true desire I am divided and unable to relax into the full openness of love.
I want to feel the natural ease and unconstrained power of my own core.

Yes
I want to open FULLY to Love and live it all.

To be continued ?

Art by tinamariaelena

Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine