Unconscious sexuality
Yesterday I met a past lover of 14 years ago.
We met in Spain when we were both living and working there. Both very unawake and in full party mood with alcohol and stuff. He was that man I was secretly adoring and fantasizing about. I felt very insecure and believed the thought that he would never be interested in me because he was too beautiful and too sexy.
And then there was that moment where we met on an early morning on the way home drunk from a party night. We went together to my appartment and made out with each other. As he was under influence of drugs too the sex making was from short duration. After we were done I saw that the condom which I asked to put on was still in the package. I was to drunk to even stand still with this. And I was so proud to have the most sexy man of the city in my bed.
The day after I felt my yoni itching. A burning and painful feeling. I had to go to a doctor who was very angry to me when I said I had sex without condom. He diagnosed a vaginal yeast infection. I had to do a pregnant test a few days after. As well 2 aids tests 3 and 6 months after the sex to be certainly sure I was clean.
I was in shock of this event, I felt very dirty and very angry. I was blaming him for the whole thing and when I wanted to connect with him about that, he was suddenly disappeared.
Sure this moment was necessary for me to be more attentive and careful in sexual interaction.
This winter he appeared again after 14 years by a comment he posted on the facebook of a sister.
How this is a small world! I was totally in shock again! I reacted on his comment and so we connected again.
He is in Bali too and he reached out to meet again.
A lot of inner work has been done so I was very open en relaxed about this meeting. The days before I was tuning in the fact that he was inside me without condom. It is said that when a man enters a woman without protection there is an exchange of DNA which stays in the womb of a woman her whole life. So my future children will also carry these imprints. And for this reason I find it important to heal this place and to honor what’s there that cannot be changed.
We’ve met and started reflecting back to that moment of 14 years ago. I thought he even would not remember me or this event but I was wrong. I started sharing my experience of back then and which impact it had on me. He listened and received me. We shared how our lifes continued since our meeting. Appeares that we walked similar paths. A lot of therapy, ceremony and awakening processes. And that we share the same love for plant medicines. He shared that just before we met he was in Mexico relating with the peyote medicine which is the medicine I am most familiar with for already 10 years. And to which I feel the calling to start sharing more of with the world. When he looked at me and said that maybe he (re)activated this when he was inside of me tears were rolling down my cheeks.
Yes, this is what penetration can do.
This is the power of the Pillar of Light. Activating and opening the mysteries of the yoni and the womb.
Suddenly the whole event got coloured in differently. Showing myself so vulnarable, hugging each other, crying in his arms, saying sorry and thanks to each other was a really profound and healing moment.
We acknowledged that we met each other in our darkest times and after that the whole awakening process started for both of us. What I condemned before I now see as part of a much bigger purpose. And how he is part of my soul tribe and how he is my angel friend who helped me out by unconsciously reactivating codes inside of me.
I am just in awe of this whole event.
That same evening we met again in a supermoon cacao ceremony. And it felt so good to be in the same space, releasing all the old, all the burdens and remnants of unworthiness to the fire.
This is another mirroring how Life is working in most mysterious ways.
How I am being taking care of and supported by higher forces.
With a grateful heart,
and a grateful womb,
that is opening up now
to purify again
and give back to the earth what is not serving anymore.
Thank you Lifeย ?โค
Evelien De Wit
Touch of Medicine
